That Pull

When the things that you love most are also the things that frustrate you the most what are you supposed to do? Run away? Run towards? Or maybe even just stay put. They say "actions speak louder then words", but sometimes I find words are more important. A little positive encouragement can go a long way, but maybe thats just it. Maybe that long way is whats being avoided. Could that really be it? Looking for nothing, I don't believe that. Communication helps so much. Even communicating about nothing important is sharing energy, sending it back and forth. Energy is what we need to grow, and we need to grow.

I am totally stuck here, wanting something. Not something more but something stable. Something to trust and be sure of. That's a good feeling, thats what family and good friends are for, thats what sharing is. Sharing, I love sharing. I hate being alone and doing things just for myself all the time. it's really just not motivating at all, it feels not worth doing. I want to share. I really miss this motivation in my life and I really need to get it back. I've been trying to fill the void with hobbies and "things" for way too long, but I know its not good enough. Sure its distracting, but it doesn't fill the void...

Feelings is what it really comes down to... I know I always say to let things out instead of bottle them up, but I have to admit I'm a bit of a hypocrite. The biggest most important feeling of all is bottled up inside and bubbles away getting more fierce every minute of every day. I can't help it, I'm growing and so is it. I need to let it out, but wow that is hard. I guess I'm just not ready, but I need that shared energy to keep it in and strong. With that, it will come out at the right time, when the level of sharing has reached it, thats what I'm looking for.....

.......i just want to share