The rational way of thought

"I just rationally decided that i love you...but you..i don't" - dl

"maybe girls are futuristic robot from another time! they think instead of feeling" - dl

Although I do not personally believe this is only girls, but this age we live in. Everything is based on numbers, to give something you must receive its equal in return. We don't "feel" anymore, we rationalize everything. Feelings only come second, and even at that they are not equal to the rational thought. Love is long lost in stories and is "too good to be true".
"What do you mean you just feel like doing that for me with nothing in return?" (as the mind overheats because 1=0 1>0).
So how do you explain feelings to someone? How can you recognize your feelings if you are only taught rationality. You have to want to. If you believe something wont work, then of course it wont work! Love can be just like in the story books; boy meets girl (or girl meets girl, whatever), boy falls in love with girl, GIRL IS A FUCKING ROBOT AND RIPS OUT BOYS HEART girl accepts that boy wants nothing in return because giving is his equal (dumb ass, look what love did to you! that ring cost you 1000 gold pieces!), girl and boy live happily ever after. GREAT! But in the rational world it doesn't work like that. Girl meets boy, they assess each others salaries, they budget future kids, they decided they "love" each other, and they live on giving and taking equal amounts and balancing the equation.

Whats wrong with the world today you ask me? People are not numbers, we should not be treated or treat ourselves like we are. Fuck the equation, if it feels good do it, if it doesn't don't. If you want it to work and its not, try harder! Just because it hasn't been done before doesn't mean it can't work. Fallow your heart, your feelings. Like that guy in that movie said: "happiness is only real when shared".

Once there were green fields
kissed by the sun
Once there were valleys
where rivers used to run
Once there were blue skies
with white clouds high above
Once they were part of
an everlasting love

We were the lovers who strolled through green fields.

Green fields are gone now
parched by the sun
Gone from the valleys
where rivers used to run

Gone with the cold wind
that swept into my heart
Gone with the lovers
who let their dreams depart

Where are the green fields that we used to roam?

I'll never know what made you run away
How can I keep searching when dark clouds hide the day?
I only know there's nothing here for me
Nothing in this wide world left for me to see.

But I'll keep on waiting 'til you return
I'll keep on waiting until the day you learn
You can't be happy while your hearts on the roam
You can't be happy until you bring it home

Home to the green fields and me once again.

That Pull

When the things that you love most are also the things that frustrate you the most what are you supposed to do? Run away? Run towards? Or maybe even just stay put. They say "actions speak louder then words", but sometimes I find words are more important. A little positive encouragement can go a long way, but maybe thats just it. Maybe that long way is whats being avoided. Could that really be it? Looking for nothing, I don't believe that. Communication helps so much. Even communicating about nothing important is sharing energy, sending it back and forth. Energy is what we need to grow, and we need to grow.

I am totally stuck here, wanting something. Not something more but something stable. Something to trust and be sure of. That's a good feeling, thats what family and good friends are for, thats what sharing is. Sharing, I love sharing. I hate being alone and doing things just for myself all the time. it's really just not motivating at all, it feels not worth doing. I want to share. I really miss this motivation in my life and I really need to get it back. I've been trying to fill the void with hobbies and "things" for way too long, but I know its not good enough. Sure its distracting, but it doesn't fill the void...

Feelings is what it really comes down to... I know I always say to let things out instead of bottle them up, but I have to admit I'm a bit of a hypocrite. The biggest most important feeling of all is bottled up inside and bubbles away getting more fierce every minute of every day. I can't help it, I'm growing and so is it. I need to let it out, but wow that is hard. I guess I'm just not ready, but I need that shared energy to keep it in and strong. With that, it will come out at the right time, when the level of sharing has reached it, thats what I'm looking for.....

.......i just want to share